I’ve been trying to follow everyones advice. They said that only time will fix this, day by day the pain will lessen. So far this is not working because I have spent each and every second since this morning thinking about what happened, why it happened, and if it is true or not; but then the pain only gets worse. My mom told me that heart ache is the worst pain someone can ever experience and she is more than right. My head is pounding from fighting back tears, my insides feel empty, I haven’t eaten in 12 hours and I have no appetite. I don’t know what to do, what to say, or what to think. I don’t even know why I write these stupid text posts.  I know that it hurts enough to have me basically writing pity posts on a blog that no one will see. Maybe i’m hoping that she will see them and change her mind, or maybe this is just my way to cope. I miss her, and its killing me. 

can we please go back to how we used to be?

This indirect communication is killing me. It really hurts to feel like this but hurts even more to see you in pain. if you think it’s for the best, then only time will tell.

Today is not one of my better days. I was always told life has it’s ups and downs, and currently, it’s pretty far down. Relationships either work or don’t work, and as far as I knew, this one worked. guess it didn’t. I have been with her for a little over 1 and a half years, and I know what you’re thinking, (assuming anyone gives 2 shits to read this) that isn’t long at all. I know, and I fully understand that people have it way worse than me. But that year and a half, that 18 months was the best time of my life, and I let her slip through my fingertips. I really don’t know the point of this text, maybe it is to occupy my fingers and give me something to do because I just feel empty on the inside. I feel like every song I listen to, every muscle I move, every thing I see, reminds me of not only her, but us. Things will never be the same, and it is really sad. I don’t know what will come of this, but I don’t know what to feel. I love you allie. I truly cherished our friendship. I know you said I didn’t do anything wrong, but I still feel at fault. I need to figure shit out and hopefully this won’t be the last page of the story.

psyducked:

someone telling me to calm down when I was already calm unleashes a fury that not even hell can contain

• plot twist: you wake up for school fully rested and ready to socialize